life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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