I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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