My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
