Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
worst night to have a conscience
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
