I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
