So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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