One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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