the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
