I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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