I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
