You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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