I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
