thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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