FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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