my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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