Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize