so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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