I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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