the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
