That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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