I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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