Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize