If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
