You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
