Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
