I'm going to jail i love you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
