Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
