RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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