I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
