; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Im part way to drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
