10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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