Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
