She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
