Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
