He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
