I want to walk on stilts...naked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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