goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
