The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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