Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
