I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
