It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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