Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
