hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
