and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
