so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
