You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
