I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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