worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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