Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
