when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
