I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
