It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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