You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
