all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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