i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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