Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize