She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
