the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
