Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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