kristin has been a bad kristin
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
