Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
