I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
