Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
do nipples grow back?
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