ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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