quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
