I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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