I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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