you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
