Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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