Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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