I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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