I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize