Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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