1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
me + whiskey = a bad person
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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