you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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