he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
