There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was born a porn star she said
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
