This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
