you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
