At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
