Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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