HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
