I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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