Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize