why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
